Last night I cried in front a group of strangers.
I didn't mean to.
But see, we were talking about God. We were talking about wonder. We were sharing about moments in our lives when we have experienced wonder and awe.
People shared stories of hiking in the Grand Canyon, walking across the stage to receive a diploma, an exciting victory in a track meet, praying in a beautiful church in Spain.
Then it was my turn.
My moment of awe happened on Wednesday.
I was driving around town with my broken heart. Spring was everywhere---pink trees and warm air. Then---all of a sudden---a song. The perfect song at the perfect moment and my emotions started kicking all around the car. And somewhere deep within, light years beyond skittish, scattering emotion, my soul began to stir. The sound and the lyrics, though meeting my emotions for the first time, somehow felt like familiar old friends. A supernatural bond was afoot.
God sent me a song. Like some highly intelligent missle launched from hundreds of miles away, programmed to hit the small moving target that is me. A direct hit. He blew me away.
My emotions swelled with this recognition of Providence. God sent me this song with these words at this moment in order to reveal truth to me.
I drove and I looked at the color all around and I listened to the song that was for me and I looked within at my desires. Suddenly I had eyes to see and ears to hear and a heart to understand. My breath quickened, and a revelation began to take shape . . .
I have ached for the man I loved to pursue me.
I have searched for a man who would blow me away with his song.
I have feared that I will never be loved, that I will never be adored, that I will never fall in love again, that I will never get married.
But God put His spring-air arms around me and spoke to me in a song and SHOWED ME . . .
Oh, how I've settled. I have loved and longed for a set of frenetic blue eyes when there have been a Pair set on me all along, reflecting every color of the rainbow---and Their gaze is steady.
All that I have ached for, I have. All that I desire, I already have. All that I have feared I would never have, I HAVE.
He knows my soul better than I do. He doesn't lie; He awes me with truth. He doesn't leave. He plays the perfect song at the perfect time. He is the Author of beautiful stories and infinite metaphor.
And there's already a ring on my finger, because this love is FOREVER . . .
Cup of Sorrow, meet Cup of Joy.
What's funny is that I've known this all along. I've known. But the difference between knowing and experiencing is vast. It's the difference between religion and faith. It's the difference between a fearful boy and a courageous man. It's the difference between shaking hands and making love. It's the difference between my life before and after this epiphanous moment.
A love song on the radio and all of a sudden it was about HIM instead of him.
So, strangers, that's my story.
My Moment of Awe happened on an ordinary Wednesday, a spring afternoon in a southern town where I drive and live with a broken, healing heart. It was a Moment of Truth: the moment I fell in love for the first time---with the Lord.
[Perfect Moment by Darden Smith. Take a listen.]
