My Apologies

I am done apologizing (to myself and others) for:

mixing metaphors

repeating myself

allowing laziness to thwart my creativity

allowing fear to edit my honesty

using too much restraint

not using enough restraint

my affinity for uber-melancholy music

my decisiveness

my personality

the past

blushing and fumbling when I'm made to talk in front of a group of people

not liking very many people

loving the shit out of Drew

eating what tastes good

talking about God

talking too much

my introversion

who I am

who I'm not

being wrong

changing my mind

not apologizing

That Words Cannot Express

Lately, life has been too big to write about.

Typically, when it comes time to write, a blank white page is vast and inviting. A wide open space. A king-size bed with clean sheets. An empty beach at sunrise.

But today, this little white blog box that appears on my screen has a fence-like quality. Tight and cramped. Like any piece of my heart I put in will sit there, caged. Trapped. Minimized. Tame.

I don't want that. I don't want to corral my life into neat little sentences and tidy little paragraphs. I don't want need to make sense.

I want my thoughts to run.

I want my faith to stream on by---not because it needs to hurry up and get somewhere, but because it can. Because that's what it was born to do. Think wild ponies . . . all pretty and fast and free.

I can't express these experiences. I don't even know how.

And that's OK . . .

because I'm learning what happens when your faith outruns your vocabulary. When your soul outgrows your body. When you realize that what makes NO sense to the world makes perfect sense to the Lord . . .

Freedom happens.

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The Spirit also helps our weakness . . . the Spirit Himself intercedes for us with groanings too deep for words.

---Romans 8:26 NASB

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But whenever anyone turns to the Lord, the veil is taken away. Now the Lord is the Spirit, and where the Spirit of the Lord is, there is freedom.

---2 Corinthians 3:16-17 NIV

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For why should my freedom be judged by another's conscience? If I take part in the meal with thankfulness, why am I denounced because of something I thank God for?

---1 Corinthians 10:29-30 NIV